The sex advice columnist Dan Savage coined the term GGG: Good, Giving and Game when it comes to sexual and intimate relationships. Check out this great video outlining the basics of GGG.
This is not surprising!! Sex, deemed a basic human need as important as food and shelter, is good for our mental and physical well being. The Guardian published an article outlining this claim as well as what actually happens in the body when we are aroused. Enjoy :)
Anxiety around sex can be debilitating and prevent you from having a fun, pleasurable time. If anxiety is inhibiting you from enjoying intimacy and sex, consider sex therapy. It can really help you develop coping skills and learn more about how to embrace your sexuality. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sex is a basic human need and is just as important as food or shelter! Here is a great article that suggests some ways to cope.
The orgasm gap is real! After analyzing more than 52,000 adults, it’s clear that heterosexual men orgasm more than any other gender group. In sex therapy, we work on deconstructing what sexuality and intimacy mean, promote sex positivity and helping you identify what works best for you. Check out this great article on some of the common reasons why people can’t orgasm and some suggestions to help resolve this.
With porn being as accessible as ever, we still don’t know how exactly it affects our sex lives. Check out this great article by The Atlantic, with a link to Crazy/Genius podcast episode about this topic:
The societal message about sex and intimacy is still very negative and many children don’t learn that sex is fun, pleasurable and normal. Sex education in the United States is sub-par, with no standardized curriculum, so we can’t rely on our education system to do this for us. It’s up to parents and caretakers to step up and give an accurate, real life explanation of sex.
But first, we all need to re-examine what we’ve been told about sex and the gender norms that play into it. In individual and couple’s therapy, we explore the role sex and intimacy play in one’s life. We foster unconditional self-acceptance. Your sexuality and sexual desires are part of you! Accepting yourself for being a living, breathing human who seeks pleasure, while also learning to identify your thought patterns and beliefs. What we internalize about sex throughout our lives shapes our perceptions about what healthy intimacy looks like. Exploring those perceptions can help you talk about intimacy in a more positive, self-affirming way to your kids.
The tricky part is explaining what happened in an age appropriate way. Let’s assume your child is old enough to understand what sex and partnerships are. Sex is part of being in a relationship and it’s one way to show love, be intimate, get pleasure and have fun together. The technicalities of sex and how it happens aren’t the only important parts to talk about. Don’t forget to talk about consent, emphasizing that when adults have sex, it should be because both of them want to. When people want to have sex, they must make sure they are happy and comfortable with each other.
Be mindful- your child will internalize your discomfort through non-verbal body language and expressions, so practicing before hand with your partner or in front of a mirror is not a bad idea. Remind your child that he/she can come to you with any questions and stay positive- you want your child to come to you for support when they are ready to have sex in the future. Talking about sex doesn’t have to be scary , weird or awkward. You control how this goes! Stay honest, open and affirming- you’ll be fine.